Introducing Your 2011 Hendy Awards!
We begin this baseball offseason as we do every one, by declaring our most hated Brewer. You should all know the rules by now. If you don't, go back and look at previous years' voting. Or just look in the comments and see how we're doing it.
The Brewers did only one thing right this season - they played exactly 48 players, which gives us an even player pool to have this tournament style hate-fest.
Here are the brackets:
Seed Divisions
Kinney Franklin Bando Taylor
1 C. McGehee W. Nieves C. Counsell E. Almonte
8 K. Loe J. Hairston Y. Betancourt M. Kotsay
9 J. Kottaras L. Hawkins F. Rodriguez M. Estrada
4 T. Green M. Rivera E. Farris M. Maldonado
5 L. Schafer M. Fiers M. McClendon B. Kintzler
12 R. Braun P. Fielder Y. Gallardo Z. Grienke
2 F. Lopez D.R. Herrera S. Mitre M. Gamel
7 J. Wilson T. Dillard T. Saito C. Gomez
10 R. Wolf N. Morgan J. Axford J. Lucroy
3 J. Reed M. Stetter M. DiFelice B. Carroll
6 E. De La Cruz S. Green Z. Braddock B. Boggs
11 C. Narveson C. Hart R. Weeks S. Marcum
16 players will receive a bye in the first round. All 1-4 seeds get to rest up in Round 1.
The first-round matchups we will be voting on are as follows:
Kinney Division:
8. K. Loe
9. J. Kottaras
5. L. Schafer
12. R. Braun
7. J. Wilson
10. R. Wolf
6. E. De La Cruz
11. C. Narveson
Franklin Division
8. J. Hairston
9. L. Hawkins
5. M. Fiers
12. P. Fielder
7. T. Dillard
10. N. Morgan
6. S. Green
11. C. Hart
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt
9. F. Rodriguez
5. M. McClendon
12. Y. Gallardo
7. T. Saito
10. J. Axford
6. Z. Braddock
11. R. Weeks
Taylor Division
8. M. Kotsay
9. M. Estrada
5. B. Kintzler
12. Z. Grienke
7. C. Gomez
10. J. Lucroy
6. B. Boggs
11. S. Marcum
Labels: Hendies
posted by Condescendy @ 9:58 AM
10 comments
10 Comments:
The columns did not keep on the player chart, but you can tell what division and what seed everyone is.
I'll lead us off.
Kinney Division:
8. K. Loe - I love sinkerball pitchers whose sinker doesn't sink.
5. L. Schafer - hard to vote against a potential NL MVP.
7. J. Wilson - Had he made the postseason roster, Wilson may have won this thing.
11. C. Narveson - as bad as De la Cruz is, Narveson pisses me off because people think he's a long-term option on this team. The list of successful pitchers who top out at 88mph is as short as this franchise's list of playoff appearances.
Franklin Division
8. J. Hairston - congrats on hitting a bunch of seeing-eye singles in the postseason and botching plays horribly in the infield.
12. P. Fielder - honestly, fuck this guy for leaving Milwaukee. You're nothing more than a common whore.
10. N. Morgan - oh my God, I'm shocked that when the Brewers lost this clown's act became really annoying and old. Bottom line is that he's not a very good baseball player even though he hit a lot of singles this year.
11. C. Hart - I actually though Scene Green could have contributed as a righty specialist. Hart is a really good defensive outfielder who has never made a bad play, but I've got to give him the nod here anyways.
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt - come on! I wanted Rodriguez to advance, too, but such is my luck.
5. M. McClendon
10. J. Axford
6. Z. Braddock - This guy is a joke.
Taylor Division
8. M. Kotsay - Get ready for a long ride, Mark
12. Z. Grienke
7. C. Gomez - Before people vote against Gomez, try to remember that he has to hit when he's in the game.
11. S. Marcum - this division is stacked.
Already everyone, have fun and play nice!
Kinney Division:
8. K. Loe - stinkerball.
5. L. Schafer - gentile.
7. J. Wilson - Wear some sunglasses
6. E. De La Cruz - too many names
Franklin Division
9. L. Hawkins - dickhead
5. M. Fiers - don't remember you
10. N. Morgan - longer seasons on good teams
6. S. Green - isn't Shawn Green
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt - No, the playoffs didn't make me forget how much I hate you
5. M. McClendon - sucks like Lloyd
10. J. Axford - Impossible to hate Asian cowboys
6. Z. Braddock - zoloft-head
Taylor Division
8. M. Kotsay - Oh my fucking god how on earth did you suck so badly and still play every day you heartless asshole stealing money from the elderly over the internet and then smashing your face into the ground when you over exposed yourself on a routine fly ball just to make it look like you were trying hard even though you made a mistake so stupid even Betancourt and Gomez wouldn't have been caught doing it and they're the stupidest people on earth next to you
12. Z. Grienke - See Morgan, N.
7. C. Gomez - Speed kills. Hopefully you die soon.
11. S. Marcum - You'll get yours in a later round, you gumpy bastard
Kinney
8. Loe: I have a feeling he will go far, saving hate.
5. Schafer: Braun was the only consistent player the entire year.
7. Wilson: We wasted a roster spot on this fucker because why? Oh cause we didn't have enough utility players aside from Hairston and Counsell, gotcha.
6. De La Cruz: Simply because Narveson was the best #5 starter out of about 90% of teams.
Franklin
9. Hawkins: Coinflip.
5. Fiers: I watched a metric shit ton of baseball this year, and I can honestly say...who?
7. Dillard: Can never vote against the person who hit the single most important hit in the last 28 years.
6. C. Hart: Almost every single one of Hart's homeruns came as a solo homerun, down by 5 or up by 5 and literally meant nothing to the overall outcome of the game. We switched Weeks out of the lead off spot to have a lower OBP in front of Braun and Fielder. Made absolutely no sense to me.
Bando
8. Betancourt: WHY IS HE AN 8 SEED? Better yet why is Krod a 9?
5. McClendon: Gallardo was the most consistent starter.
7. Saito: I really don't have a problem with either, but Saito's injury set the bullpen back a few months.
6. Braddock: Sleep disorder huh?
Taylor
8. Kockspray: I feel like if the Brewers had tried, they could have traded close to nothing to provide a better bat off the bench than this heaping pile.
5. Kintzler: .....
7. Gomez: Simply for my hatred of Betancourt.
6. Boggs: Still think he's better than Kockspray.
Kinney
8. Loe - feces darkhorse.
5. Schafer.
7. J. Wilson - frustrating waste of a roster spot.
6. De La Cruz - de ly reminder of forgettable early 2000s pitchers.
Franklin
8. Hairston. I'm afraid of how much they'll pay him/rely on him to produce this offseason simply because he's not McGehee. Hawkins is so much more inoffensive to me by comparison.
5. Fiers. Who?
10. Morgan. He defines Plushdamentals partially as throwing to the right base. Pretty sure little leaguers are better at this than him.
11. C. Hart. Worthless homers, terribly lazy fielding. Once the fastest Brewer now seems somehow slower than Weeks post ankle injury.
Bando
8. Betancourt. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing managers to start him every day for the last five years. I'd vote K-rod as one of my favorite Brewers this year because that trade will turn out to be Melvin's finest.
5. McClendon.
7. Saito. Old, expensive.
6. Braddock. Seriously, how fucking hard is it to fall asleep? If you think that's hard, you should probably give up any future MLB aspirations.
Taylor
8. Kotsay. He wins because we didn't expect anything from either him or Estrada, but somehow Kotsay amazing failed to meet those expectations.
5. Kintzler. Who?
7. Gomez. I can't hate the guy after this season, and I'm serious. He hustled more than any player on the team and while his plate discipline will probably give me ulcers in the near future, to work that hard and be that important to a team playing in a platoon says a lot about his improved character. I'm voting for him here and no more because Lucroy has seemingly ended a decade-long streak of suffering below replacement level Brewers catchers.
11. Marcum. Cuddyer can throw as fast as you can. Thanks for single-handedly losing the Brewers three playoff games with likely the best Brewers team I'll see in my lifetime behind you.
8. K. Loe - This isn't close. One of the most patient hitters in the league vs. a relief pitcher on the brewers. Can Kottaras play 1b?
5. L. Schafer - I'd love to vote for Braun just out of hatred for the Kwik Trip commercials, but I can't bring myself to do it.
7. J. Wilson - Wolf exceeded expectations this season.
6. E. De La Cruz - He looks like Ray King from the terrace, so I want to like him. I guess I just don't hate Narveson. This is primarily due to the fact that my expectations of a Brewers 5/6th starter are an ERA well above 6.0), a feces 4 appearance, and an unceremonious end to a career.
Franklin Division
9. J. Hairston - He played for the Cubs. The Cubs.
5. M. Fiers - This guy does not have the stuff to be anything more than a middle reliever, at best. Prince Fielder is a top 5 all-time Brewer.
7. T. Dillard
6. S. Green - Awful showing.
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt - cake-walk for Yuni B in the first round.
5. M. McClendon - Can't vote for Yo. Best performance in the best brewers rotation ever.
7. T. Saito - An awful lot of these votes are based on who I'm not voting for, rather than who I hate. Bring on the second round.
6. Z. Braddock
Taylor Division
8. M. Kotsay - Why was he on the roster? The postseason roster? He will have a healthy hendy run.
5. B. Kintzler
7. C. Gomez - Still a feces 4 candidate?
6. B. Boggs
I may close down this round's voting quick while we still have no ties. It doesn't look like there are too many heated matchups. I'll give it until the end of the afternoon.
Who else votes? The hosses?
Kinney Division:
8. K. Loe - have you seen George K. with his shirt off? OMG hot. Loe is like 6-7 255 and throws a mediocre sinker? Puss
5. L. Schafer
7. J. Wilson - will be a trivia question in reference to the 2011 Brewers for all the wrong reasons.
6. E. De La Cruz - will be a trivia question in reference to the 2011 Brewers for all the wrong reasons. And yes, too many fucking names.
Franklin Division
9. L. Hawkins - Black Panther
12. P. Fielder - home field for St. Louis because of you. Probably should have worked harder to beat them. And seriously, grow taller. I will miss you dearly fat man, but damn you.
10. N. Morgan - Tony Flush-him-down-the-shitter already. What have you done for me lately? His act is going to get so, so very tired next year.
6. S. Green - Corey Hart is the backwoods Babe Ruth. I think Scene Green is a jew. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but backwoods Babe vs. obscure Jew reliever? No contest.
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt - Gosh darn awful player, you are. K-Rod pitches clean innings about as much as the Bub uses napkins when he eats, but I still have to go with Yune E Bee
5. M. McClendon - useless to me
7. T. Saito - You're really good, so fucking stop letting father time put your balls in a vice grip and pitch more than 20 innings a season.
6. Z. Braddock - I need more Oxi duuuuude. Where's my Oxi?
Taylor Division
8. M. Kotsay - It's not all your fault that dumb managers and GMs systematically overvalue wrinkled vets, but you're just not good at baseball anymore. In fact, you barely ever were.
12. Z. Grienke - Pitch better. And with more swagger. You have the ability.
7. C. Gomez - So much less enfuriating when your ABs are cut in half, but still "have-you-seen-my-baseball" level retard at the plate.
11. S. Marcum - you better not use fatigue as an excuse, Shawn. You throw 86 MPH. God I hate typing that.
Next voter breaks the tie(s), and we move on to the next round.
This round was relatively boring.
Kinney Division:
8. Loe - I'll save the pure hatred for a later time
5. Schafer
7. Josh Wilson - Although he was part of a nifty triple play, he is a fucking nerd
11. Narveson - only saw DLC pitch once, and he didn't slice his finger while allegedly fixing his glove. Narveson did.
Franklin Division
9. La Choy Hawkins
5. Fiers - I have never heard of this guy. I fell like the old dudes drinking coffee in the diner at the beginning of "Major League"
7. Dillard - but honestly, Morgan might give this thing a run next year
11. Hart - thanks for getting FAAAAAAAT. I hope Gabe Kapler is still banging your wife
Bando Division
8. Betancourt - worst plate approach in the major leagues
5. McClendon
10. Saito - Tough decision here, but Saito missed way too many games
11. Braddock - fuck you and your mental/drug issues
Taylor Division
8. Kotsay - he actually looks like a rapist
12. Greinke - NOT A BIG GAME PITCHER
7. Gomez - 2nd worst plate approach in the MLB
11. Marcum - I'm embarrassed to reside in your home town at the moment
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