2011 Hendies - The Round of 32 Assholes
Here are your matchups for Round 2:
Kinney Division:
8. K. Loe
1. C. McGehee
5. L. Schafer
4. T. Green
7. J. Wilson
2. F. Lopez
6. E. De La Cruz
3. J. Reed
Franklin Division
1. W. Nieves
9. L. Hawkins
5. M. Fiers
4. M. Rivera
2. D.R. Herrera
10. N. Morgan
3. M. Stetter
11. C. Hart
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt
1. C. Counsell
5. M. McClendon
4. E. Ferris
7. T. Saito
2. S. Mitre
6. Z. Braddock
3. M. DiFelice
Taylor Division
8. M. Kotsay
1. E. Almonte
4. M. Maldonado
12. Z. Grienke
7. C. Gomez
2. M. Gamel
3. J. Carroll
11. S. Marcum
Labels: Hendies, Latent Homosexuality
posted by Condescendy @ 9:46 AM
14 comments
14 Comments:
Kinney
1. McGehee. It's pretty easy, he played in 155 games compared to Loe's 72. Neither were anywhere near good this season, McGehee just sucked as much in twice as many games.
5. L. Schafer. The 2014 hendies might be the best yet!
7. J. Wilson. Again, pretty simple, they grabbed Lopez and dropped him inside of a month. They held onto Wilson for like what, three months?
6. E De La Cruz. See L. Schafer.
Franklin
9. Hawkins. More expensive.
5. M. Fiers. Who?
10. N Morgan. I'll stop the hate after this because of how much money he earned the team this year, but shit, I'm going to be pissed if they give him any significant money/playing time next year.
11. C. Hart. How hard is it to get on base in front of the best batting duo in the league? Better yet, how hard it is to move your giant legs in the direction of a fly ball like a second sooner in the outfield?
Bando
8. Betancourt. He batted ninth in fucking Seattle. How the fuck does he hit 6th/7th in Milwaukee?
5. McClendon.
2. S. Mitre. Man, the bullpen is awful.
6. Braddock. It's not even like baseball players have to get up early for work, what the fuck is your problem?
Taylor
8. Kocksplatter. Almonte might be a better hitter with a tennis racket.
4. Maldonado. I was paying attention to your FIP all year, Greinks.
2. M Gamel. I'll say it, he's a bust. Hindsight makes me wish they had traded him to Cleveland and kept Brantley. Hopefully I'm proven wrong, but I'd peg him as a feces four participant next year after a season similar to Many Parra's in 2009 relative to expectations and performance.
11. Marcum. This division is fucking stacked. Nothing like almost single-handedly ruining my team's chances at making the World Series for the first time in my lifetime. He could throw a no hitter and win the Cy Young next year and I'd still harbor this hatred.
Kinney Division:
1. C. McGehee - Kam Loe managed to look almost as cool as Snoop in a picture with him. You look like you have downs.
5. L. Schafer - Don't worry. Something tells me you won't be seeing the excrement eight. Call it a hunch.
2. F. Lopez - I'm really, really pissed at Josh Wilson for dropping that ball in San Francisco, but you're kind of the embodiment of everything I hate about the Brewers management over the last six years, so you get my wrath. What the fuck? Why didn't we just go after Rafael Furcal?
6. E. De La Cruz - Seriously. Cut it out with the fucking names already.
Franklin Division
1. W. Nieves - Latroy was the Big Black Fuck Ox Remix this year. Nieves suffered 3rd degree burns from the deep fryer. Asshole.
5. M. Fiers - Your dick is not sticky
2. D.R. Herrera - This is more a vote for what Morgan contributed this year. His act is definitely going to get old if he starts getting on base less than 35% of the time. However, he was the left handed part of an extremely effective perfect platoon this year and put up 4 wins on a rookie min contract, and only cost the team Cutter Dykstra. That's an awesome season right there, no matter what he did in the playoffs. He also pissed off Cardinals fans, which should not go unnoticed.
3. M. Stetter - Righties got lefties out better than our lefty specialist.
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt - You, sir, are not Jesus with the bases loaded
5. M. McClendon - I suspect you'll be suffering a similar fate to Mr. Schafer
2. S. Mitre
6. Z. Braddock - Doesn't matter, one of these guys will be ritualistically clown raped by Betancourt in the Excrement Eight.
Taylor Division
8. M. Kotsay - I hope Roenicke gives you oral herpes
12. Z. Grienke - There comes a point where I can't care about your SIERA or xFIP. You're a fucking sad sack and you got hit hard often this year, including every one of your playoff starts. I'm surprised you don't come to bat to Johnny Cash's version of "Hurt"
2. M. Gamel - Gomez is getting the Morgan treatment. Great defense, part of a platoon that created a very effective center fielder this year out of relative scraps. Gamel, on the other hand, continues to underwhelm at the major league level and may be Zach Greinke-grade apathetic towards baseball
11. S. Marcum - You. You are the biggest piece of shit in this entire organization and I hope you burn in hell.
There are a lot of head-to-head matchups of players at the same position here. Should be interesting.
Kinney Division:
1. C. McGehee - no contest.
4. T. Green - this may surprise some. Green didn't do well enough to take playing time away from any of the shitty players in front of him.
7. J. Wilson - it was inexcusable for the Brewers to employ either of these players this year, but Wilson was employed longer, so he wins.
3. J. Reed - it's that time in the Hendies where we remember some of the MLB flotsam that was on this roster early in the year. Reed is just abysmal and should never play another game in the majors again.
Franklin Division
1. W. Nieves - If you vote for Hawkins, I may not count any of your votes. Nieves honestly should have a good shot to win this entire thing. If you don't remember him playing, look at his stats.
5. M. Fiers
10. N. Morgan - Herrera had one of the funniest careers with the Brewers that I can remember. I mean, it's like Winkelsas X 10. But Morgan is a disgrace. Cardinals fans can always remember his stupid fucking August/September tweets and I will forever be disgraced to have been a Brewers fan. I hate this fucking guy.
11. C. Hart - Hart gets another vote for his outfield defense, which is still shockingly bad to me.
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt - it was inexcusable for the Brewers to employ either of these players this year, but Betancourt got more playing time, so he wins.
4. E. Ferris - I can support guys like McClendon, Kinzler and Co. getting some innings, but calling this guy up instead of Green, Gamel or, hell, even no one, made no sense to me.
2. S. Mitre - the spray!
6. Z. Braddock - if the organization would just admit that it's a drug or alcohol problem, I wouldn't be so pissed.
Taylor Division
8. M. Kotsay - it was inexcusable for the Brewers to employ either of these players this year, but Kotsay was employed longer, so he wins. Almonte gets robbed with this early matchup.
12. Z. Greinke - I supported Greinke as much as anyone this year, but at some point I have to acknowledge that some guys are going to have great peripherals (e.g. Javier Vazquez) and simply not be able to get results on the field. It's two years straight and one disasterous postseason for Greinke proving that notion.
7. C. Gomez - Another great matchup. Gomez wins this race by an afro hair's length.
11. S. Marcum - while it was inexcusable for Carroll to have sniffed the MLB roster, it was far more inexcusable for Marcum not to admit he was hurt when he was running the bases against the Cardinals in late August (I'm just assuming this). Ben Sheets gave it his all in 2008, and I respect him for that, but I respect him more for knowing when he was done and admitting he had enough.
To clarify on the Morgan making the team money comment, I'm not sure how much, if any, of the Brewers merchandise sales actually benefit the Brewers. I believe most merchandise sales revenues are shared by all 30 teams. There are some exceptions if I remember correctly, but I would think the TPlush sales took money Brewers fans would have spent on items like beer and tickets and gave it equally to 29 other teams. Someone please either verify or explain what the revenue sharing situation is.
31% of tickets, food, parking, local tv and merch get shared with the rest of the teams in baseball, net of leases, debt payments, and stadium upkeep.
Is that local merchandise? That may be the case with sales within Miller Park. I thought sales of any MLB licensed merch was shared by all 30 teams. Not sure if TPlush stuff is licensed by MLB, and not sure if Miller Park sales are subject to the 31% or 100% sharing. I honestly don't know and don't want to take the time to figure it out because I'm going to hate Morgan equally as much either way.
Yes, local merch. I am certain MP sales are 31% sharing. Small market teams wouldn't sell stuff in their stadium otherwise cause it wouldn't be worth the hassle to distribute to and staff for in-stadium outlets.
Kinney Division:
1. Mcgehee - He had the most cushioned spot in any lineup in baseball. Completely fart-pooped down his leg... Oh, and he was arguably the worst defensive third baseman too. Guaranteed Feces Four participant
5. Schafer
2. Lopez - never liked this lazy, emotionless turd
3. J. Reed
Franklin Division:
1. Nieves - 'sus christ, this dude can't hit a baseball. If you are going to constantly put up the atrocious offensive numbers, you better be Pudge Rodriguez behind the plate
5. Fiers - gay name
10. Morgan - I hate this guy more and more because I know he will inevitably fuck this team next year
11. Hart - seriously, I hope Kapler is still banging his wife
Bando Division:
8. Betancourt - Sure, Counsell defined futility this year, but he didn't get more than 10-15 starts. YUNEE-BEEEE humored us ALL year with his spinning one-handed swing. I laughed hysterically every time this guy hit a home run because it doesn't seem physically possible with that god-forsaken swing
5. McClendon
2. Mitre
6. Braddock - not sure why he got slighted with a 6 seed...
Taylor Division:
1. Almonte - Kotsay was underwhelming, to say the least. But he had his moments. Almonte is a total bust
12. Grienke - I am beginning to realize that I heavily weigh my votes on familiarity and expectations of the player.
2. Gamel - His entire demeanor just doesn't rub me the right way. I don't think he'll ever make it. Gomez is actually valuable as a defensive replacement and occasional platoon guy
11. Marcum - M-E-L-T-D-O-W-N
Kinney
1. McGehee: I despise Loe, but McGehee left an enormous void in the 5th spot, which ultimately screwed us at the end.
5. Schafer: Coinflip
7. Wilson: He was on the roster for HOW long? At least Lopez was a switch hitter and we didn't trade much at all for him.
6. De La Cruz: Waste of a playoff roster spot.
Franklin
1. Nieves: A look back at just how many shitty catchers have passed through the Brewers org. over the years, he ranks as one of the shittiest.
4. Rivera: going along with the last answer, this fucker couldnt be consistent enough to take Kendall out for longer than a game or 2.
2. Herrera: Morgan was still part of one of the better platoons in the league.
11. Hart: HE IS NOT A LEADOFF HITTER!!! Too slow, strikes out too much, and hits the most meaningless HRs. Far too much chicken fucking.
Bando
8. Betancourt: This fucker started every damn day for whatever fucking reason, and committed one of the errors that cost us game 5. regardless of Counsell's awful streak, Betancourt was fucking putrid.
5. Ferris: simply because i don't know who he is.
2. Mitre: This was apparently a move to strengthen the bullpen.....
6. Braddock: Take a fucking Ambien you stupid fuck.
Taylor
8. Kockspray: enough of this fascination with left handed veterans who cant hit.
4. Maldonado: Why did Grienke make it to the round of 32?
7. Gomez: Still hate him relative to the Hardy trade
11. Marcame-in-his-pants every time he faced a good hitter this postseason.
Kinney:
McGehee – Eventually Loe was only used in mop up situations, mcgehee somehow suckered the team into playing him all year long. My hatred of Melvin is manifested in McGehee. Instead of making a trade that would be of some benefit to the team, by either replacing him or Yuni, he picked up Wilson and Lopez, eschewing Furcal, and standing by these two shitheads.
Shafer
De la cruz – I have already forgotten both of their names.
Franklin
Nieves – the fact that he was signed period was enough to make me hate him
Fiers
Herrera
Hart – How is he so slow and inept at fielding? If I were the opposing pitcher, I would only throw low outside sliders, and enjoy the easy strikeout.
Bando
Betancourt – Although I cringed every time Counsell appeared in the on-deck circle, Betancourt was god awful. The fact the Melvin and Roenicke consistently played and defended him only made it worse. I still do not understand why he was included in the Grienke trade.
McClendon
Mitre
Braddock
Taylor
Kotsay
Grienke
Gamel – I actually like Gomez in his platoon role and late inning defensive replacement.
Marcum
Several people still need to vote, but I think I'll shut down this round at the end of the day. Apathy usually is an indication that these matchups are underwhelming.
Kinney Division:
1. C. McGehee - asshole
4. T. Green - Swaggerless
7. J. Wilson - on the roster much longer than that Mexican he's facing
3. J. Reed - what is this, 2002? Fuck!
Franklin Division
1. W. Nieves - enjoyer of penis
4. M. Rivera - Not Greek
2. D.R. Herrera - did midget porn. Not OK with that.
3. M. Stetter - faulty vagina
Bando Division
1. C. Counsell - starting shortstop next year. Thinking ahead
4. E. Ferris
2. S. Mitre - most obscure and shitty pitcher on the best Brewers team ever.
6. Z. Braddock - baby penis
Taylor Division
1. E. Almonte - was rostered. That's absurd.
12. Z. Grienke - weird but in an uneventful and nonthreatening way.
7. C. Gomez - just for having to listen to "but could you imagine if he could just hit?" That's kind of important when you play baseball.
11. S. Marcum - isn't it supposed to be Brett Carroll? Oh who gives a fuck. Marcum still has poop stains on his uniform pants.
Oh shit, that wasn't Jamie Carroll?
Voting closed. No ties. Very good.
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