2011 Hendies - The Excrement Eight
No real upsets last round. Here are your matchups to determine who'll be facing off in the Feces Four.
Kinney Division:
1. C. McGehee
7. J. Wilson
Franklin Division
1. W. Nieves
11. C. Hart
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt
6. Z. Braddock
Taylor Division
8. M. Kotsay
11. S. Marcum
I don't know for sure why Herrera is throwing right-handed, but I think he decided it's better to just throw from the right side rather than throw a screwball, a pitch that hasn't existed in baseball for 40 years for a reason. I guess that's the Cinderella story.
Labels: Hendies, Petite Baseball Players
posted by Condescendy @ 2:45 PM
16 comments
16 Comments:
Kinney Division:
1. C. McGehee - there's just no way to excuse how bad he was this year. Unfortunately, I defended him until early August, which makes me look like an idiot in hindsight. He can't be cut quickly enough.
Franklin Division
1. W. Nieves - Bottom line is he may have been the worst player in baseball on a per-game basis, and that's really saying something. Nieves's efforts in place of the injured Jon Lucroy almost cost this team the entire season in April. He was that bad.
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt - Statistically the worst player in baseball over the last 5 years started almost every game at short this year, including every postseason game. Those postseason singles were great and all, but they still weren't enough to erase the horrible postseason defense and the entire season of work. He has the worst plate approach I have ever seen, and, again, that's saying something. He's also a fat piece of shit.
Taylor Division
8. M. Kotsay - Marcum was horrible in the postseason, potentially costing the Brewers a chance at the world series, but they may not have made the playoffs without him, unless, of course, they had never rostered Mark Kotsay at any point this season, in which case they would have made the postseason with a rotation of 5 pitching machines. I could never understand the reason Kotsay ever made the roster, which for me is far worse than a good player who had a very bad stretch at the exact wrong time. Kotsay also quite possible cost them Game 3 of the NLCS, so it's not like those voting purely on postseason performance should overlook him.
These are exactly the 4 guys I would have voted for before the playoffs, so I feel good about my consistency here.
Kinney Division:
1. C. McGehee - Really nothing to like about his season. He played fine in 2009 and well in 2010, but he channeled his inner Bill Hall this year playing minimal defense and contributing nothing at the plate after doing much of the same throughout his minor league career. Relied upon to the Brewers detriment, he was finally relieved of his duties just in time for somebody to make a meaningful impact at 3B. For sucking so badly that he gave Jerry Hairpie a spot in the playoffs I might not vote for him in the Feces Four.
Might.
Franklin Division
1. W. Nieves - Hart definitely had some frustrating moments, but this downs patient is unfit to clean shitters at taco bell, let alone start on a playoff team. -9 wRC+? .369 OPS? Fuck you, pedophillic ass bandit.
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt - You played well in the playoffs, which may save you from my wrath in the next round, but you are terrible. My girlfriend does not know your name, she only knows you as "Batter Nine You Sucky". She knows nothing about baseball (she's a fucken Cubs fan, for crying out loud) and yet she tells you to be patient whenever you swing at the first pitch (without my prompting or ever hearing me say that about you. I mostly mutter that under my breath so not to scare the shit out of her by saying things during baseball games and jeopardizing my ability to watch baseball and/or contribute to this blog). So how does this *girl* who knows *nothing* about baseball know how to play baseball better than you? What's that? Because you're a dick with ears?
Yes, because you're a dick with ears.
Taylor Division
11. S. Marcum - I don't know what Condy voted above, but I can only assume he voted for Kotsay (I'm trying to remain impartial). Kotsay had a bad game in game 3 of the NLCS and bad games in every other game he played all season. But, 2 things:
1. It's not his fault his manager didn't recognize how terrible he was
2. His ass-sucking didn't cost the Brewers as dearly as Marcum's did in the postseason
This is really unprecedented. Of course, there's not much of a precedent for postseason participation in the annuls of Hendy history, but I have to think that 11 is the highest seed I've ever voted for in the e-8 or later, and it's not because of his regular season performance. Marcum was so terrible that I think we'll find out a few months from now he was hiding an injury (his change up avg. velocity was up 2 MPH in Sept/Oct), which means it isn't totally Roenicke's fault he was pitching. He also fucked a tailpipe in each of the three most important games he pitched in this year. Prolonged low-grade suckiness is one thing. High leverage, high-degree ball-emptying bukake (not looking up how to spell that at work) suckiness is unacceptable. I think I've tipped my hand as to who I'm going to vote for in the feces four. yes, the guy that shoved his fist in most of our asses.
You voted for Kotsay. I respect that. Here's where we'll differ, and I hope I can sway some of the undecideds: You said the Brewers *may* not have made the playoffs without Marcum. The Brewers won the division by 6 and Marcum had 2.7 WAR, according to Fangraphs. Close, I think it was still possible, maybe likely, but you've got a point. However, he was the #1 contributor to them missing the World Series. Without question. He pitched like dick in each of his two NLCS starts, both games the Brewers lost horribly. If the Brewres hadn't made the playoffs, you could easily point to a guy like Betancourt or McGehee as the scapegoat. World Series? That shit's on Marcum. And that's the reason we're all raging right now.
McGehee
Nieves
Betancourt
Kotsay
I'm still fuming about Marcum's NLCS performances, but it's undeniable that he was a key part of getting there. As Brett Lawrie continues to tear the cover off the ball next year, maybe I'll hate him more, but it stops here for now.
McGehee - This could be the most lopsided Excrement Eight matchup in history. McGehee had 600 PA this season. According to at least one reputable site, he had negative WAR and RAR. Even Yuni B had a better season. His facial hair is like the lettuce base in a ballsack salad.
Corey Hart - I know it's completely irrational to question why people were voting for him in one round and then vote for him in the next. But when I compare him to Nieves, there's just more hate for Hart. His defense in the playoffs was infuriating. His meth addict complexion pisses me off. His refusal to hit well unless he's leading off is stupid as hell. He's a dick.
Yuni B - He's a terrible baseball player who started the entire season and playoffs. Perhaps the most frustrating hitter to watch in all MLB.
Marcum - He pitched like an asshole in the playoffs. And now I'm 96% convinced that I, like others, hate him because he sort of resembles Jeff Suppan.
Slash, I needn't remind you that rationality has no business in the emotional madness that is the hendys.
Can I go back and change my previous rounds' votes to Rickie Weeks? Weeks looks like a flaky vagina after seeing Mike Napoli play through his ankle injury. Grow a pair, Rick.
Kinney
1. Casey McGehee- Easiest decision of the lot. He simply played more and replaced McGehee more than once during his "Season long slump". That's saying something.
Franklin
11. Hart-Im sorry, I despise Nieves, but Hart was absolutely infuriated with Hart all season. Im surprised that every pitcher didn't realize if you pitcher a slider low and away, you can strike this fucker out, and he only hit homeruns when the game was out of hand for either team. His 'sudden' loss of speed was absolutely inexcusable. Not only did it effect his defense, but SB numbers. He was supposed to be a 30 30 threat, and we gave him far too much money in arbitration because of that. Fuck you!
Bando
8. Betancourt- too many errors and not enough offense to justify including him on the trade from the Royals, regardless of the lack of lefties in the bullpen because our only lefty had trouble sleeping.
Taylor
11. Marcum- He overperformed the entire year, couldn't break 90 mph unless the fucking gun was broken, and cost us one of the most important postseason games in our history. He's Jeff Suppan without the absolutely horrific contract. Kotsay was bad, but he was on the bench and could easily bench him during the postseason, Marcum was all we could throw out there, and he looked like a fucking nut case every time and could throw a strike if he was throwing into a goddamn ocean.
We have got to do something about your name.
Kinney Division:
1. C. McGehee - I actually hate McGehee more than any Hendy participant, probably ever (excluding the irrational hate I had for Marquis Grissom in the all-time Hendies). His terrible season is a big reason why the Brewers are at home giving themselves strangers and not playing in the World Series.
Defensively, he moves like a bath tub. Offensively, he is so fucking overmatched that all of his hits are complete accidents sprayed the other way on cockshots right down the middle that a normal third baseman pulls 440 feet for a home run. Besides maybe Suppan, I can't think of a player who is less entertaining to watch, past or present. The numbers speak for themselves. No one's taking this donkey down this year.
Franklin Division
1. W. Nieves - Fuck all of you irrational Hart haters. I'm going to regret standing up for him next year.
I might go as Will Nieves for Halloween this year. All I would need is a Brewers jersey, a Mexi-stache, a catcher's mask, and a flacid dildo with some pine tar on it.
Bando Division
8. Y. Betancourt - Nice try, drug addict. You're a reliever. Betancourt played in 198 games this year at mostly a historically bad clip. He will be gone next year. Can he pull in one last fine piece of hardware before he's sent back on his intertube?
Taylor Division
11. S. Marcum - the taste of his renal failure is still too fresh in my mouth. Marcum's foulness is lingering like a 4 a.m. bender capped off with Oakland Gyros and a Marb Red.
Suggestion then Bub?
I don't know. You're 6'7. I suspect people will assume things about your appendage if you stick with the moniker.
I think I'll shut this one down at the end of the day. Every leader has at least a 2 vote lead.
Nieves and Marcum can still fall if all three of KBeast, Young Hoss, and cgb vote for Hart and Kockspray. Otherwise we're probably wrapped up.
Kinney
1. Mcgehee - similar in complete ineptitude to Wilson, except he played all season for some reason. I can't count the time I saw Fielder walked (even to load the bases loaded) to get to mcgehee, knowing full well how it's going to end.
Franklin
1. Nieves - although I really wanted to select Hart (kotsay did replace him for a playoff game afterall), that Nieves was ever signed is simply infuriating. Why do the brewers continue to sign/play such shitty catches. Last year it was Zaun, before that Kendall, Chad Moeller, Estrada, Gary Bennet? At some point they should learn.
Brando
8. Betancourt - reading statements from DM like this make me fear he will be back next year, only inflaming my hatred: "I thought Yuni Betancourt was a better player than what his critics said. I thought he did a very good job."
Taylor
8. Kotsay - He's garbage. He can't hit, can't run the bases, is slow, and doen't know how to field. I'm not going to forget that D-backs game last July where is incredible fielding errors single-handedly cost the game. Like Nieves, why was he ever signed?
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Apple
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