Alright everybody. I am going to update this throughout the day as I have time (note I made a change to the first five posted. I wasn't using my final list). I will continue to update this post so people don't get confused and ruin the surprise. Thanks to everybody who contributed to the countdown this year - your artwork bears responsibility for changing the world. Or at least letting JJ Hardy and Jay Cutler know they suck.
#25 - Perhaps if our pitchers didn't have such heaving breasts (or had heaving breasts and could pitch like Todd Coffey) the 2009 Brewers wouldn't have been such a dick-mashing disappointment.
#24 - Crude and topical, Carlos Gomez crushes a homer on Opening Day, and then gets beaten like a mouthy black kid on the bus every day thereafter.
#23 - Credit to Old Hoss for calling his shot on Brandon Jennings long before any of us. Just goes to show how far swarming, swagger, and a badass back tat will take you
#22 - ...And this picture is quintessential SWR. Standing with a boom mic and headphones while Mike McCarthy and Eric Mangini have a discussion on the field.
#21 - Here lies Jeff. If only he had eaten his innings like we were promised, we wouldn't be in this mess.
#20 - What can we say about Mark Tauscher that hasn't already been said? He cured lepers, brought Lazarus back from the dead, and turned Ryan Grant into a 4.9 YPC back.
#19 - Hey Brett! I laced that with cyanide and then jerked off in it. Also, how did you find and fit into $lash's Turkey Bowl uniform?
#18 - From each according to his ability, to each according to his shitty, lazily drawn beard.
#17 - This picture is quintessential Condescendy. A play on an esoteric nickname, and off the wall yet topical idea, and dripping hatred for Ryan Theriot.
#16 - We were waiting for this night the moment Jennings got drafted. He called his shot and told the world that he would bring back the high top fade at some point during the season. The real surprise was that Brook Lopez decided to join in on the fun.
#15 - Aaron Rodgers' post-coital fatality move
#14 - Not as gruesome as what opposing offenses have done to LaTroy this year
#13 - A rare embrace of two blog favorites. Should have been in the 'too realistic' section, but I just fucking love Miley Cyrus and Jimmy Butler.
#12 - Condescendy doctors Kendall's stats to show some meaningful performance, akin to using a microscope to see bacteria. Or Kendall's pecker.
#11 - After recovering from his toe injury, Ben Sheets signs a one-year deal with the Oakland A's.
#10 - I learned a few things after the Hendies last year, most notably that Condescendy never cared much for Bill Hall.
#9 - As with the best humor, this picture is grounded in truth. Fielder's spat with Parra was the true impetus for the 1-2 punch celebration.
#8 - Mild violence and sexual subtelty - hallmarks of a SteveWoodardRules piece
#7 - Ok, I cheated. There were some damn good Hardy pictures last year, and in an attempt to get them all into the countdown without ignoring other worthy submissions, I decided to list all of them in the 7 spot in honor of our friend with the effeminate trot, Mr. Hardy.
#6 - The picture speaks for itself. I'll speak for why it isn't ranked higher - bubsbrother used photoshop, the cheating bastard.
#5 - Hey Brett, remember when I said I jerked off in that bottle? Yeah, I got some on your helmet, too.
#4 - The fifth and least-liked Ninja Turtle. His weapon was an erratic low-90's fastball. To this day Splinter regrets not eating Julio in his infancy.
#3 - Steve Woodard rules produces a fine, clever effort that would have been higher ranked had it not been for a very strong top two this season.
#2 - "The new DJO showerhead comes with five settings: Rainfall, massage, swarming, swagger, and pussy-pleasure"
#1 - This is what this blog is all about. Everything we've ever done here built up to the moment this picture was posted. There are exactly eight people on earth that understand why this picture is so goddamn hilarious, and you're probably all still laughing at it now. The intrinsic detail, the poignancy, the misery of Jay Cutler - it's all encapsulated in this picture. Kudos, Condescendy, you've captured the blog in its essence.
Labels: Esoteric Hyperbole, Top Pictures