I can barely formulate words right now. I'm so disappointed that Corey Patterson was eliminated. We'll probably never see the odds-on favorite eliminated in the first round ever again. Here are your Sewer Sixteen matchups. Hate away!
TAYLOR DIVISION:
(1) M. Parra
(4) D. Riske
(3) C. Duffy
(2) B. Nelson
LOPES DIVISION:
(1) B. Hall
(5) H. Iribarren
(3) B. Looper
(2) J. Suppan
YOST DIVISION:
(1) R.J. Swindle
(4) J. Bourgeois
(6) J. J. Hardy
(2) J. Julio
BANDO DIVISION:
(1) D. Bush
(4) J. Kendall
(3) T. Dillard
(2) M. Burns
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TAYLOR DIVISION:
(1) M. Parra - landslide victory
(3) C. Duffy - the whiter Tony Gwynn Jr.
LOPES DIVISION:
(1) B. Hall - landslide victory
(2) J. Suppan - shit. I really would have had Looper into the Feces Four if he didn't run into the Hendy Machine, Suppan. Fuck Looper for being so much better when he was with St. Louis. But fuck Suppan so much more for appearing better when he was with St. Louis and stealing $42,000,000 from the Brewers.
YOST DIVISION:
(4) J. Bourgeois - the black Tony Gwynn Jr.
(2) J. Julio - fuck Vajayay Hardy for taking Corey Patterson's 2009 Hendy.
BANDO DIVISION:
(4) J. Kendall - I reserve the right to change this vote. I just can't fucking stand Kendall and what he represents (i.e. the last 12 years of fucking terrible hitting catchers). I can't stand how he wasn't lynched for his play in this town. But then there's Bush. Holy shit! He basically butt fucked the Brewers this season.
(2) M. Burns - weak matchup. My gut tells me to take Burns.
Old Hoss, you should have stuck around all night. Shit turned out to be off the hook.
On to the ballot
TAYLOR DIVISION:
(4) D. Riske-Fucking hate him
(2) B. Nelson
LOPES DIVISION:
(1) B. Hall
(2) J. Suppan-Just die, already
YOST DIVISION:
(1) R.J. Swindle
(2) J. Julio
BANDO DIVISION:
(4) J. Kendall
(2) M. Burns-coin flip
Yeah I probably should have. I figured shit would get wild but really didn't want to crash somwhere random.
Well, onto the bracket, even though the clear top seed is gone.
TAYLOR DIVISION:
Parra - ruined the season.
Duffy - God awful.
LOPES DIVISION:
Hall - Aids.
Looper - can't fucking stand gopherball pitchers who can't strike people out. Can't believe I'm not voting for Suppan already.
YOST DIVISION:
Swindle - both are utterly useless. Swindle was supposed to be decent. He was not.
Julio - fuck Patterson not being here.
BANDO DIVISION:
Kendall - barf.
Burns - poster boy for our pathetic lack of depth.
Vajayjay finds himself down 3-0 again. Interesting that Hardy has seen more 3-0 counts in the last week than he had for the entire regular season.
I can't fucking believe Patterson isn't going to win this thing. I wonder if we can pull some Fox reality show shit and have Patterson reappear in the Feces Four.
I'll go with:
Parra
Duffy
Hall
Suppan
Swindle
Julio
Kendall
Dillard
Taylor Division:
(1) Parra - You will never ammount to anything so long as you keep that pouty baby boy bitch look on your face. Grow up and quit being such a giant turd.
(2) Big Bad Brad - a tough matchup. But it came down to the fact that the only thing I could remember about Duffy was that one time he had a webgem which caused me to hate him less than the 0forhisCareer corn fed asshole. Thanks for your contribution douche.
Lopes Division
(1) Bill Hall - Obviously
(3) Looper - Another tough matchup but I cannot stand that shitty half smile half scowl look on his stupid face.
Yost Division:
(1) Swindle
(6) JJ - stop spreading herpes and go run wind sprints
Bando Division:
(4) Kendall - Why are you the way you are?
(2) Burns
Identification: Nate (Friend of Joe's)
Taylor Division
(1) Parra
(2) Nelson
Lopes Division(easiest picks ever)
(1) Hall
(2) Suppan
Yost Division
(1) Swindle
(6) Hardy
Bando Division
(4) Kendall
(2) Burns
I would like to take this time to thank blog contributors for making the right choice as opposed to choosing a much-hated player who only played 11 games this year as a Brewer...even though the moderators of the Hendies did everything they could to will Patterson into the next round.
Taylor
1. Parra. Landslide.
2. Nelson. He was with the team for a month, had 20 some at bats and still didn't get a hit. Fuck Chris Duffy, this fat sack of shit was worthless as a Brewer.
Lopes
1. Tailpipe fucker.
2. Suppan. Got hurt, costs more, somehow put up worse numbers.
Yost
1. Swindle. Proof that Condy should continue to develop his "Knuckle Slurve" and pursue his major league dreams...
6. JJ. I won't let homosexuality cloud my judgment.
Bando
4. Kendall. Pitchers bat with more power.
3. Dillard. Burns was a victim this year, not the problem.
David Riske. Why the fuck would we sign a 15 year veteran for a 3 year 10 million contract? Dude wasn't even that good in Cleveland or Kansas City. And his last name is Riske for christ's sake.
Brad Nelson. I would have voted for Duffy's .100 averagemaybe, but Brad Nelson's incredible streak of 0-for-25 that ended with him in Tacoma was so incredibly aggravating, given that the guy he was replacing, Branyan, had like 20 home runs in a month in Seattle.
Bill Hall, enough said.
Suppan for basically single-handedly preventing us from getting a top flight pitcher. Fuck that guy.
I'm going with Swindle just because I like Bourgeious and remember all the calls for the amazing prospect RJ Swindle to come up from AAA, where he had like a .5 era.
My defining Jorge Julio moment was when we had burned through a lot of our pitchers in early June and put him in a Coffey situation instead of a Julio one. Julio came up to themound up by one... and gave up 5 earned runs in two thirds of an inning. Worst pitcher ever. When a guy has played for 10 teams in the last 5 years, you kind of should pick up on it, Melvin.
Dave Bush gets the nod over Kendall for me since Kendall hit alright in September and Bush was so fucking bad. I remember when he used to be okay and the Lyle Overbay trade was a huge steal.
Dillard over Burns for me. I don't think anyone expected Burns to be good, but Dillard was theoretically a prospect and gave up like 6 runs in 3 innings against the second to last place San Diego Padres.
TAYLOR DIVISION:
(1) M. Parra - Dislikes DJ Steve Porter
(3) C. Duffy - Underwear Post-Wet Fart
LOPES DIVISION:
(1) B. Hall - Friends with Corey Patterson
(2) J. Suppan - Avoid if pregnant or looking to become pregnant
YOST DIVISION:
(1) R.J. Swindle - RJ Grundle
(6) J. J. Hardy - Accused of saving British children.
BANDO DIVISION:
(4) J. Kendall - Chode
(A) Abstain - Neither of these guys earned the honor.
TAYLOR:
(4)Riske - Although Parra gave us all a plentiful array of frustrating moments this season, Riske was NON-EXISTENT in a bullpen that struggled to get anybody out. When I think Riske, I think little bitch
(3)Duffy - Nelson was a feel-good story, until he made us all feel nautious whenever he pinch-hit. however, Duffy is a gay name and he really STRUGGLES to be a poor excuse for a major league defensive replacement/pinch runner
LOPES:
(1)Hall. jesus he's fuckterrible. I cant imagine he has many friends
(3)Looper - Wow, the tourney committee really set us up for undoubtedly the best matchup thus far. Suppan comes in as a perennial powerhouse that is tournament-tested, while Looper is the newcomer with loads of firepower. I'll take Looper to edge Suppan based on his overwhelming ability to make big plays (clearly a metaphor for the insufferable amount of bombs he gave up this year)
YOST:
(4)Boooshwah, though I truly don't have a good reason for it
(2)Julio - Again, I will never forget that outing in Florida...
Bando:
(4)Kendall - This is a guy who shouldn't be allowed to reproduce, much less play on a baseball field at this point
(3)Dillard - yes Burns blew asshole, but he did beat the Dodgers right before the All-star break and I was at that game. So, good for him!
TAYLOR DIVISION:
(1) M. Parra
(2) B. Nelson
LOPES DIVISION:
(1) B. Hall
(2) J. Suppan
YOST DIVISION:
(4) J. Bourgeois
(6) J. J. Hardy
BANDO DIVISION:
(4) J. Kendall
(2) M. Burns
Ok, here goes nothing:
Parra - more proof that 99% of lefties can't pitch
Duffy - same last name as Patrick...automatic FAIL
Hall - This guy should get some kind of bye into the semifinals or something
Suppan - Looper sucks, but let's be serious
Swindle - why not...?
JJ Hottie - mediocre personified
Bush - at least Kendall did something for a while in his career
Burns - because I said so...
TAYLOR DIVISION:
M. Parra - Conclusive proof that lefties are evil.
B. Nelson - I went back and forth on this one, then remembered a random conversation last winter about trading Prince Fielder and having Brad Nelson take his place, which got me all raged up.
LOPES DIVISION:
B. Hall - Flushing money directly down the toilet would have been a better choice.
J. Suppan - It's a damn shame we couldn't take them both.
YOST DIVISION:
R.J. Swindle - Ouch.
J. J. Hardy - Now that Patterson is gone, my hate has been transferred (and I managed to forget about that one inning in Florida).
BANDO DIVISION:
D. Bush - Kendall did hit two home runs.
M. Burns - Call-up rage!
13 Votes in and here's how we stand:
Parra 10, Riske 3
Nelson 8, Duffy 5
Hall 13, Iribarren 0 - good luck Hernan!
Suppan 10, Looper 3
Swindle 10, Bourgeois 3
Hardy 7, Julio 6
Kendall 10, Bush 3
Burns 8, Dillard 4
Once again, Hardy is going to find himself fighting down to the wire. He really should have thought twice about beating Corey Patterson.
Parra
Nelson
Hall
Suppan
Bourgeois
Julio
Kendall
Dillard
HATE OFF!!!!!!
$, just remind Kbeast and the Moy that they need to vote this round and we can get beyond this hate-off nonsense.
My votes for this round:
Parra
Nelson
Hall
Suppan
Swindle
Hardy
Kendall
Burns
Oh, and why were we not informed that there is now a Bub Family collage hanging at Real Chili???
Steve Woodard mentioned it to me, and i confirmed it today.
Very nice work Bub Family...
Steve Woodard called me on Monday about this. Yes, those pictures have been on the wall for about 4 years now.
Taylor:
1 Parra
2 Nelson
Lopes:
1 Hall
2 Suppan
Yost:
1 Swindle
6 Hardy
Bando:
1 Bush
3 Dillard
I think we'll call the voting tomorrow at the end of the work day. There probably won't be a hate-off. If there is a tie, we'll just disregard whoever anonymous voted for, unless he identifies himself before then.
The only real battle we have going forward is Hardy v. Julio. Gather your troops for a vote if you want to sway the balance my friends.
Taylor:
Parra
Duffy
Lopes:
Hall
Suppan
Yost:
Swindle
Hardy
Bando:
Bush
Burns
I'm calling it. 8 unexpected blowouts. Hardy must have 9 fucking lives.
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