Jorge Julio was the Latest Giant Slain by J.J. HardyWe're two rounds of voting in and Bill Hall, looking to be the first repeat Hendy winner, has not received a single vote against. Meanwhile, J.J. Hardy as an underdog in both rounds has withstood immense competition from Corey Patterson and Jorge Julio and emerged into the Excrement Eight. If previous years are any indication, both Hall, because of his perfect rounds, and Hardy, because he is so battle tested, should do well going forward. But that remains to be seen, as we elect the Feces Four from the following fools (that's bad ass alliteration and you know it):
TAYLOR DIVISION:
(1) M. Parra
(2) B. Nelson
LOPES DIVISION:
(1) B. Hall
(2) J. Suppan
YOST DIVISION:
(1) R.J. Swindle
(6) J. J. Hardy
BANDO DIVISION:
(4) J. Kendall
(2) M. Burns
Enjoy Hall v. Suppan. That matchup should be epic.
29 comments:
Three no-brainers and the hardest Hendy vote I've ever had to make.
(1) Manny Parra.
Nelson was a chubby little piece of stool, but Parra was the worst pitcher in the national league and maybe had the most disappointing season I can remember for a Brewer who didn't otherwise get injured.
(6) J.J. Hardy.
"VaR.J." just doesn't make any sense. VaJayJay it is! It took Hardy facing Swindle for me not to vote against him after stealing the Hendy from Corey Patterson.
(4) Jason Kendall.
This wasn't even close. I can't explain to you how much "defensive catchers" piss me off. And thanks to our own participant KL Snow and his Wednesday post on BrewCrewBall, I know that Kendall ranked 105th of 114 catchers defensively. Yeah, he fucking sucked.
(1) Bill Hall.
This was really, really tough. They both were equally bad this year (4th and 5th overall seeds). They both got a ton of money. They will both cost the Brewers a likely chance of contending in 2010, which may be the last year of their window to compete. These two are two of the worst things to happen to this organization, an organization which has largely been a loser. So why Hall? Well, I just hate him that little bit more. That's it. That's the only justification I can give. Hall going to Seattle made this closer for me, but it was not enough to tilt the balance.
I'll save more hate for the Feces Four.
Yes, Rafael was the ninja turtle with the red headband.
I really wish fireformorgan was still around to discuss Chip Caray. I honestly can't even watch these playoff games.
Manny Ramirez is 7 pitches into an at bat against Cole Hamels. He is fouling pitches off like Scott Hatteberg and stuck in a 1-2 count. The 6th pitch he barely gets a piece of and dribbles it about 25 feet towards first base but foul. Pitch 7 he barely knicks, as he's behind the fastball. Chip Caray: "with each passing pitch, you get the idea that Manny is getting a better look at Cole Hamels here in the first inning." He says this in that cheap whore nepotism fake excitedness, which is his calling card. This after a series of off-balance, bad swings. Pitch eight, not more than 2 seconds after Caray's fake enthusiasm: Ramirez misses changeup by 19 feet, striking out.
1. Parra. You have to be pretty bad at baseball if you go a month without a hit. You have to be downright miserable to be sent down to AAA for a month as a 2009 Brewers pitcher.
6. Vajay jay. Good to see you on the hatewagon, Condy. After the playoff last year, I would have said sign the guy. I'm glad the team didn't as there were months where Kendall had better numbers this year.
4. Kendall. A pitcher on the team had more HRs than Kendall for like 4/5 of the year in about 1/20 of the amount of attempts. Plus he's got that whole noodle arm and that "I'm terrible at defense" thing going for him. I look forward to a blogger posting the anti celebrating Arabs picture if he gets re-signed.
2. Suppan. Yes. Suppan. He costs more and will spend more time on the team being shitty. I'd love to see Hall in the feces four, but now that Hall is the richest unemployed Negroid in America, I hate Suppan more.
Only Parra out of the 4 juggernaut favorites failed to win a HIAWDA in 2009. That's no knock on Parra; there were some truly uninspiring months this year.
1) Manny Parra.
For all intents and purposes, the Brewers' reliance on Manny "Perpetual Shitstain" Parra cost them a winning season and maybe even a shot at the postseason. He was truly incompetent. Parra was the Brewers' main"X"factor in 2009, and he shit down his leg, start after start after start after start. I would love to see Parra win this thing and come back as one of the non-qualifiers next year.
(6) J.J. Hardy.
Well, well, well. Mr. August HIAWDA survives 2 of the most disgusting opponents in recent memory. Apparenltly the lack of a full or even half season for the other 2 baseball rapists was enough to sway the voters into backing Hardy. This round there really is no debate: JJ justifiably moves on. Enjoy being an Oriole next year, you cockface.
(4) Jason Kendall.
Something needs to be done, and I don't mean adding to his anti-awards. This fucking double HIAWDA clown has to go next year, or he is going to set some unbreakable records. He wasn't the main reason the Brewers regressed this year, but he's a black hole and an embarassment to catchers league-wide. When is the last time a catcher with irrefutable negative value started 134 fucking games? What's that? Oh, suck me sideways, that's right. He calls a good game. Let me change my vote. Um, no.
(1) Jeff Suppan.
This WAS really really tough. Both players' astonishing ineptitude, unlikeability, and overall worthlessness are undeniable. Add inthe sunken cost factor for both these rubes, and you are talking about 2 of the most damaging players that have been in the organization in the last decade. What puts Suppan over the top for me is the fact that he will be back next year and will most likely remain in the rotation. I can vividly recall 6-8 personal experiences at Miller Park that he has single-handedly absolutely fucking ruined. He will be the reason we will not be able to sufficiently upgrade our rotation next year. This was honestly one of the hardest decisions of my life, but Suppan gets my vote.
Ok, I'll take:
Parra
Suppan
Hardy
Kendall
I should add that I hated Looper even more than Suppan this year, but his inexperience was just too damning in this no-holds-barred tournament. Also, the fact that Patterson was eliminated in the first round makes me die a little inside. I'll get over it.
(1) Parra - Nothing pisses me off like wasted potential.
(6) J.J. - Ridin' the wave of hate.
(4) Kendall - I hate him even more because we're probably going to keep him.
(2) Suppan - Bill Hall was a waste of money and space, but at least we got rid of him.
So that's two for wasted potential and two for sucking and (likely) staying to make us suffer some more next year.
Taylor Divison
(1) Parra-will anyone vote Nelson?
Lopes Divison
(2) Suppan-as much as the tail piper fucker accepted it like said tail pipe this season, I think Suppan was more destructive.
Yost Divison
(6) Vajayjay-most unproductive player, almost more so than Hall, a feat deemed almost impossible.
Bando Division
(4) Kendall-Because we get to look forward to another season of slap hitting and puberty beard
Also, no mention of the Pack-Lions game this weekend?
Holy fuck, did anyone else catch the "SHE IS....GONE!" call from Chippy when Manram went yard? What a fucking fraud! How dare he disrepect Vin Scully like that. Someone better get Scully on the Horn and have him kick the shit out of this no talent empty suit! I'm seriousy appalled. oh, and Condy, the only reason he hit that home run was because he saw a lot of piches in that first at bat. Bet you didn't know that.
Taylor Divison:
Parra - Your balls apparently shriveled up and disappeared somewhere between Nashville and Milwaukee. I hate you
Lopes Division:
Suppan - There is not enough hate available in the world for this matchup. I would like to reiterate a perviously made point of how these two fucksocks destroyed any hope of a competitive baseball team in milwaukee. For me what this matchup ultimately came down to was how absolutely fuckugly suppans wife is. Just looking at her hideous horse face makes me cringe. Hall there is no doubt that brewer fans will continue to mouthpuke at the sound of your name for years to come; every mothers day when me and my moms are sitting down trying to enjoy some sunday afternoon baseball and your shinning pinkbat moment highlight is ran it will, at least for a brief moment, ruin the day as I will be forced to yell "suck a cock you fuckstick" at the TV which will proabably make my mom cry. So thanks in advance Hall for destroying the one day devoted to the appreciation of my loving mother. Ass hole. I'm actually changing my vote now, in respect for my mother. Your off the hook for now Suppan, you and your perfectly groomed chin-pubes can rest easy.
Yost Division
JJ- I'm exhausted from my previous rant so I'll hopefully see you in the Feces
Bando Division
Kendall - What the hell was the deal with you pretending to be a lead off hitter. How dare you. You and everyone else knew you shouldn't have been anywhere close to that spot. Granted coming in to year your career batting was at least close somewhere close to .300 (lead off like numbers); nevertheless your 2009 season destroyed the possiblity of you ending you career respectivley and at least we as brewer fans can smile at the fact that you will never have that satisfaction. So go shove a chew up your ass and sit tight because your likely going to find yourself in the feces four.
Identity - Nate (a friend of Joe's)
Nate (friend of Joe's) (sorry about that), please see below. I'm glad you brought this up.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_RY4TYqfrvnI/SQqE-BwME3I/AAAAAAAAAM8/ivwybvp02iw/s1600-h/2008+Hendy+-+Bill+Hall2.JPG
OHR asks: When is the last time a catcher with irrefutable negative value started 134 fucking games?
Um, is this a joke? 2008. Jason Kendall played in 151 games that year.
And, no, I didn't know Manny hit a home run because he saw so many pitches because I stopped watching the baseball game after Chip Caray made my ears cry in the first inning.
This logic - There is not enough hate available in the world for this matchup. I would like to reiterate a perviously made point of how these two fucksocks destroyed any hope of a competitive baseball team in milwaukee. For me what this matchup ultimately came down to was how absolutely fuckugly suppans wife is. Just looking at her hideous horse face makes me cringe. Hall there is no doubt that brewer fans will continue to mouthpuke at the sound of your name for years to come; every mothers day when me and my moms are sitting down trying to enjoy some sunday afternoon baseball and your shinning pinkbat moment highlight is ran it will, at least for a brief moment, ruin the day as I will be forced to yell "suck a cock you fuckstick" at the TV which will proabably make my mom cry. So thanks in advance Hall for destroying the one day devoted to the appreciation of my loving mother. Ass hole. I'm actually changing my vote now, in respect for my mother. Your off the hook for now Suppan, you and your perfectly groomed chin-pubes can rest easy. - is perfect. I don't think anyone can iterate this better. If there is a tie, Hall authomatically wins the hate-off. I'm glad I'm not a woman because Hall would ruin every single mother's day for me.
I think this is exactly what everyone is going through here. You start livid with one player only to have your thoughts drift to how much you fucking hate the other player. Your hate for the first guy actually makes you hate the second guy more.
Let's get serious about this
TAYLOR DIVISION:
(1) Manny Parra
What hasn't yet been discussed here? As my brother pointed out, you were too bad at baseball to remain in the 2009 Milwaukee Brewers rotation, the same rotation that finished with the worst ERA in the National league, the same league that contained the Washington Fucking Nationals. This is worse than:
Being too cowardly to fight for the French military.
Being too immature and dramatic to audition for the Real World.
Being whiter than Tony Gwynn.
Being too ugly to try out as a Notre Dame cheerleader.
YOST DIVISION
(6) Vagina pelt Hardy
Listen you Forrest-Gump-with-let-braces-running-puswound, what applies to Parra goes double for you. At least Parra has always sucked. How in the world did you get sent down in your fifth year in the league after back to back 20+ home run seasons? It's as though you turned into a douchtastic white Bill Hall overnight. Your good looks are going to serve you well in the independent leagues.
BANDO DIVISION
(4) Jason Kendall
-Called the pitches for the worst rotation in the national league.
-Slugged a league-worst .305, 3 points below limp wristed dilly pleaser Emilio Bonifacio
-OPSed a league 4th worst .636, in front of Edgar Renteria, Yuniesky Betancourt and the aforementioned Bonifacio, three shortstops and Vizquel finalists
-Won 2009 NL Vizquel
-Killed Michael Jackson
LOPES DIVISION
(1) Bill Hall
As has been mentioned, this was the toughest vote in Hendy History. Suppan is making more money and sucks just as bad as Hall. However, through no necessary fault of his own, the organizational replacement level for Hall was much higher. Suppan was, for better or worse, the second best starting pitcher on the team this season. Holy fucking balls, I can't believe I just said that. Hall, however, played in front of younger, cheaper, better players who didn't bitch about playing time. I'm happy Bill was a clubhouse guy, every organization needs them. However, most laundry technicians and fluff girls don't get paid fucking $8m a year. Fuck you, shitjob.
Should we even bother voting on the other 3 matchups any more?
Suppan 5, Hall 3 for now.
I'm enjoying all the previous comments, some of which may have swayed my voting.
Let's get the easy votes done first.
Parra
J.J. Hardy
Kendall
Wow, that was really easy.
Now for the Suppan/Hall matchup. Suppan has been my personal favorite for the Hendy this year. No other Brewer player caused me to cringe quite as much as Suppan. I assumed the Brewers were going to loose every game Suppan pitched. If I was excited for a game, and then found out Suppan was pitching, I was immediately depressed. So its obvious that I hate Jeff Suppan.
However, some previous votes may have swayed my opinion slightly. As much it makes my dick shrivel to say it, he was probably the second best pitcher on this god awful pitching staff. (I just threw up a bit in my mouth). The brewers did not have a better option for starting pitcher than Suppan.
Now we come to Bill Hall. My hatred for Hall has not been as great as for Suppan. He consistently bothered me, but not to the point of throwing things in the direction of the TV. Hall is more frustrating though because the Brewers had better options. Hall could have been, and was replaced with players that weren't wasting as much money and did a better job. Hall also bitched about not getting playing time, when he was playing like shit, which pisses me off. He knew he was playing like shit, but he'd rather play and bring down the team then sit on the fucking bench.
This is without a doubt the most difficult vote in Hendy history. While I fully appreciate the arguements for Bill Hall, I have to go with my original, season long, hatred of Jeff Suppan. Suppan has made me not want to watch more games than any other Brewer player.
Official vote: Jeff Suppan
TAYLOR DIVISION:
(2) B. Nelson
Boom. One vote for Nelson. This chode made the opening day roster, stuck around for long enough to receive 21 ABs, and didn't have a single hit. Just looking at his fat face makes my nuts schrivel up and my asshole pucker. He'll be out of baseball by 2011 and he made the fucking opening day roster in 2009.
LOPES DIVISION:
(1) B. Hall
Hall and Suppan share a lot of things, including dildos and intimacy with one another. I just can't get over how much I hated Hall as a player. Then, to top it all off, the journal ran a series of stories with quotes from Hall about how he didn't get a chance to play and show what he could do. Wow Bill, what about the 1,000 ABs you received from 2007-2009?
YOST DIVISION:
(6) J. J. Hardy
No argument necessary yet. This is my horse. And by horse, I mean dilapidated drug mule.
BANDO DIVISION:
(4) J. Kendall
This is easy. Every game, Kendall was there reminding me just how much I hate him.
Jesusfuckingchrist, Joe's friend Nate, sign up and become a regular contributor, that's the greatest Hendie hate rant I've ever read.
Solid fucking rants from all of you though, votes without rants are pointless. The analogies, the statistics, the created hate words...all fucking fantastic reads, please don't stop.
But seriously, Nate, your "I hate Bill Hall because he has forever ruined Mother's Day for me" had me in tears at my desk at work I was laughing so hard.
(1) Parra - Ahh, Good ol' Manuel Parra... I rationalize my hate for you as follows:
A) You were blessed with a golden arm
B) You were given ample opportunities along with a Latino pitching coach to work with (who was fired in part due to YOUR inadequacy)
C) You folded like oragami under pressure. LEARN HOW TO PITCH PLEASE! I'M NOT QUITE GIVING UP ON YOU YET!
(6) jj-no-longer-makes-me-Hardy
(4) Kendall - I'm glad BCB posted some of Kendall's stats because I wanted to look up his slugging pct. just to see if anyone actually slugged lower than him. The only reason Kendall didn't make the Feces Four last year is because he actually played respectable defense and threw out runners. WOW, what a different story this year. So, not only was he BY FAR the worst offensive catcher in the league, he was also arguably the worst defensive catcher... congrats Jason, you ass rapist.
(1) Hall - I had to do it. This guy seriously makes me radiate hate. Seriously, any mention of his name makes me want to headbutt a cinder block. Whenever I heard that infuriating "Bill clap-clap-clap Hall" chant at a game I seriously couldn't handle it. I think blood shot out of my eyes a few times. As for Suppan, he is arguably the worst free agent signing in Brewers history, I understand that. I also understand that he had the amazing ability to single-handedly ruin the days/weeks/years/lives of many Brewer fans. Trust me, whenever "Nelly's Nuggets" pointed out that "The Soup's on," I grinded my teeth for a while. With all of that being said, I vote for Hall and his chubby little Gary Coleman face
I just re-read my post. Apparently I enjoy using the term "seriously..." Seriously
I'm not drunk enough to rant on the picks.
Again, go to your HS reunions, kids.
TAYLOR DIVISION:
(1) M. Parra
LOPES DIVISION:
(2) J. Suppan - I fucking hate this douchebag. Its pretty well documented.
YOST DIVISION:
(1) R.J. Swindle
BANDO DIVISION:
(2) M. Burns - I just can't quit you, Jason Kendall
Taylor: 1 Parra
Lopes: 2 Suppan
Yost: 6 Hardy
Bando: 4 Kendall
Taylor division: Parra
Lopes division: Suppan
Yost division: Hardy
Bando division: Kendall
I agree that votes without rants are pointless, but there's nothing I could add that hasn't already been said. Good stuff.
I'm going to give the voting until tomorrow at the end of the work day because I know some folks were out of town this weekend. Hall has got some ground to make up. You can close the book on the other three matchups. Thank God.
Somebody gimme another lawsuit. Meiz has been fellating Jason Kendall again.
Hopefully it's not too late. The only contest the matters at this point is Hall v. Suppan. I vote for Suppan.
My hatred for both players knows no limit. For the last two and half years I have been subject to such hate speech as, "if only Hall were given a chance to play everyday, he'd be much better." Or the equally invidious, "suppan has X amount of quality starts; he's an innings eater who has had some bad luck; he's much better than the numbers." Two factors exist in deciding to support Suppan. First, I've been victim to far too many Suppan games over the past two years. Considering I don't live in WI anymore, when I come home for a game, it's a special occasion. Yet somehow, i've had the misfortune of having Suppan start about 75% of those games. This usually means I will be able to enjoy 1.5 innings of competitive baseball before things get out of control.
Second, while I would relish the opportunity to kick hall when he's down, this is award is far too important for that. Hall already won a hendy, was sent down to the minors this year, and just days after thinking he had a second shot with the brewers was released. Macha and Melvin and have already shown Hall how useless he is - playing Corey Patterson and Kendall while demoting Hall likely made him painfully away of how little the team values him. This marginal value of the destruction wrecked by winning would be much less than if awarded to Suppan.
i've had the misfortune of having Suppan start about 75% of those games.
This sentiment has been echoed by a lot of folks. Suppan must have started an inordinate amount of weekend games this year.
This seals the deal for Hall, who has been doubled-up by Suppan.
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