Hendicapping the Handies
It's officially upon us - the most boring sports day of the year. In order to maintain my sanity, I'd like to briefly discuss the most exciting part of the BrewCitySports year: The Hendies. Borne from the disappointment and frustration from yet another failed Brewers season in 2006, The Hendies have been a staple of the Brew City Sports baseball offseason. This season is shaping up better than most for the Brewers, but we can't forget the catastrophe that was the second half of 2007. Nor should we assume that the contributors of BrewCitySports are content with every Brewer that has been a part of the 25 man roster so far. Far from it, in fact. Below, I've listed my best guess at selected players' odds of winning this years most coveted offseason award.
1. Bill Hall - 8:5. Will Hall become the first offensive player to win the award? On previous Brewers teams Hall may face more competition, but the combination of his massive underachievement, protected status among casual fans, perception of privilege in the clubhouse, and standing as Condescendy's most hated player in history make him the odds on favorite in 08.
2. Derrick Turnbow - 2:1 2007 Hendy winner put on a strong performance in defense of his title this season. However, the Brewers didn't quite view things the same way, demoting Turnbow to AAA after just 6.1 innings. From what I understand, he's been rather effective in Nashville.
3. Eric Gagne - 2:1. You think you can hide on the DL and make us forget about how much we hate you? Think again, Frenchie. Tough to tell right now whether your 7.33 ERA or your eight-figure contract will be your ultimate undoing. No matter the reason, chances are good your good name will get knocked around as much as your pedestrian fastball this offseason.
4. Guillermo Mota - 7:2. Chances are the lead you inherit within your voting division will be tougher to blow than all those leads you've blown this year. Mota would be even with the other two if I were convinced he'd remain on roster long enough to remain in the memories of voters.
5. Dave Bush - 8:1. Guaranteed to get $lash's vote in every single round. That must count for something.
6. Rickie Weeks - 10:1. Were it not for your massive potential, you'd have a massive lead in the voting.
7a. Prince Fielder - 20:1. You're fat, you couldn't field a kickball, you're a malcontent, and you injured Yovani Gallardo.
7b. Ryan Braun - 20:1. Or, roughly, his strikeout-to-walk ratio.
9. Ben Sheets - 25:1. Don't pretend like he's not going to get injured for the entirety of August and most of September.
...
33. Sexy Gabe - 300:1. I don't know what pleases the blog more: your mature approach at the plate, or your photo spreads in mature magazines.
34. Seth McHung - 500:1. If for no other reason than providing fodder for OHR's post last week.
35. Russell Branyan - 10,000:1. Really just a teaser bet in case Kevin from the office reads the blog. Thanks for not being Bill Hall, Russ.
Labels: Hendies
posted by Brew City Bub @ 6:19 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Can you even wait to see what kind of picture I photoshop for Billy the Kiddie Fiddler?
I think a really good underdog bet right now is Tony Gwynn Jr. Remember that Steve is going to vote for him every round, and he could figure to be a big pain in the ass in September when he starts taking away pinch hitting ops from Sexy Gabe and Joe Wonderboy Dillon. Gwynn would be a 2-seed were the season to end today.
I think Sticky Dick Mike Rivera is even less likely to win than McHung, but McHung does deserve the current reference.
The current 1-seeds are Turnbow, Tavaras, Dillard and Gagne, by a wide margin. Those are two strong and two weak 1's. But with Hall and Mota as 2's, does expect any huge upsets.
Better hurry on the Billy picture. I've got something special planned for the near future.
The Bub, you forgot to mention anything about Fielder's move to vegetarianism and the resulting decline in his performance this year. That moves him up on my list. Had I known it would be that significant at the begining of the year, I would have offered to purchase, deliver, and cook a steak for him once a week.
Speaking of weeks, Rickie Weeks has to be my least favorite Brewer this year thus far. His OBP and batting average are the lowest of all regular starters on the team in both categories and yet he continues to bat lead-off every time he plays...and that's ignoring his terrible play in the field.
Yes, Hall arguably has the worst batting statistics on the Brewers...and yes, they are fucking hideous...but he is replaced about as frequently as Weeks (never) and is shifted around in the batting order more. The massive potential of which the Bub speaks and Nedly's moronic faith in Week's abilities makes him easily my most hated player.
I don't know how I'll be able to vote for Dave Bush, considering he's having the best season of his illustrious career. There are at least 3 Brewers I'm currently hating more than Dave Bush, with one of those being Rickie "my 2007 numbers would be just as bad as my 2008 numbers if I hadn't somehow OPSed .903 in the 2nd half" Weeks. When you look back at Weeks' stats online in 10 years, there's a good chance you'll seething like "Similar Players: Spivey, Junior."
remind me why Dillard would be a 1 seed? He barely got a chance.
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