Jose Canseco Back in Baseball...as a Hitter and Pitcher

This should be entertaining.

SAN DIEGO -- Jose Canseco returned to baseball Thursday when he agreed to a contract with the independent San Diego Surf Dawgs, planning to be their designated hitter and -- get this -- pitch.

The Golden Baseball League announced the deal Thursday night, saying the former AL MVP and Rookie of the Year will make his Surf Dawgs debut Monday night on the road against the Chico Outlaws.

[snip]

The news release announcing the deal said Canseco will be the DH "and will showcase his knuckleball as a member of the team's pitching staff."

Must have run out of money.

A Great Find by the Bubfather

Check out the black guy's name...

http://www.czabe.com/mediaclips/index.shtml?a=showclip&id=544

(and this was posted using the "link" icon on the blog creation page)

What to do with Carlos Lee

Hey, I'm waiting for a flight here in Minneapolis, so I thought I'd liven up this place by baselessly speculating about what I think the Brewers are going to do with Carlos Lee. As I see it, there are a few scenarios, three of which I'll outline, w/ consequences. Basically, the Brewers are in a pretty damn nice spot right now.

Scenario 1: The Brewers are 5+ games over .500 at or near the trade deadline. Solution: no deal. There's no way that Melvin, in good faith, can trade away the team's best healthy player when they're in a wildcard chase (and 5 games over in the NL will be in the thick of it until late August at least). He may not even pull the trigger if the Brewers are at or above .500 at all. The Brewers then have to look at the offseason, and figure out how to handle two pricey corner outfielders and two over-ripe AAA corner outfielders. At that point, I see a 50/50 toss up between signing Lee and trading Jenkins and letting Lee go and taking the draft picks. Under normal Brewer circumstances, I'd put all my money on the draft picks with those odds, but we keep hearing that this team was built to compete in '07, and I don't think they have the patience to forgo returns on the team's best player for four or five years. Trading Jenkins may also include trading Clark too, thus creating room for both Hart and Cruz in the bigs.

Scenario 2: The Brewers are fewer than 5 games over.
Solution A: The Brewers hang onto Lee. Why? Maybe there wasn't a good enough offer for him. Maybe we're still in contention. Let's face it, this team is going to be frustratingly close to contention all season. Then, this off-season, they are faced with the same dilemma they are faced with in scenario one: sign lee/trade Jenkins or let lee walk. They can't have both contracts on the payroll, not with Sheet's huge number (won't call it an albatross yet). This solution will really hinge upon how much the brewers can get for Jenkins. If we can get Kelly Shopach and a AA pitcher, Melvin may pull the trigger.

Solution B: The Brewers hang on to Lee, trade Jenkins at the deadline. This will all but assure that we are 100% committed to signing lee in the offseason and that all indications point to a mutual willingness from Lee. Look for a trade similar to the one above from the Indians.

Solution C: Trade Lee at the deadline. This is more sexy than solutions A and B, and just about as awesome as scenario 1 (lets face it, playoff contention would be pretty awesome). There are several teams that have playoff aspirations that would be interested. The Yankees have to be interested, but that MUST be a three team deal, because they have absolutely dick to offer the Brewers in return. Philip Hughes simply isn't the kind of player the Brewers need at this juncture. The Cardinals need outfielders, but we won't trade within the division. The dodgers might be an interesting trade partner, as we could look at players like Martin and Guzman, but we would really want Billingsley, a player with whom LA is unlikely to part. The Indians may be interested, and could offer players like Andy Marte, Jeremy Sowers, and Shoppach. The team I find most intriguing is the Angels. Obviously, they need to be a little closer to contention than they are at present, but they have talented starting pitching and infielders and could use a bat like lee's as their offense is putrid. It would be another similar situation to that with the Dodgers as we'd want Weaver and they'd be unlikely to part with him.

All told, each of the above situations will leave the brewers in better shape than they are now. That is, of course, assuming Melvin signs him to a reasonable contract for a player who is likely to be on the decline by the end of the deal. It shall prove to be an interesting couple months, Brewer fans.

Tigres v. Brewres

Well I figured someone would post about this before I had a chance to, but I guess not, so here goes...

Basically, game 1 was a real debacle of defense on the Crew's side of things, but that's to be expected with their track record. The weird part is that it wasn't Weeks or Fielder who made the errors, although it was Fielder's fault he didn't come up with that throw in the dirt from Koskie in the 8th.

The Tigers never really could figure out Davis, which surprised the bejesus out of me since they usually tend to pound lefties into oblivion, but lately they have really struggled with left-handed pitching (see the Tampa Bay series). Bonderman was amazing, which again isn't a big surprise because of his success so far this year. His ERA is a bit higher than it could be, but look at what he's done as far as homeruns allowed and K/BB ratio. If you look at those numbers, he's by far the best starter the Tigs have this year.

Either way, I was counting the outs when Matt Wise came into the game, and admittedly, the Tigers didn't hit him hard, so if I were a betting man, I'd say that the Tigers won't win another game in the series if the Crew has the lead going into the 8th.

Tonight will be fun to watch with Helling v. Miner. Good to see for the Tigs that their trade of Farnsworth last year got them some major league talent in Colon and Miner. Good luck to the Crew, you know I'm cheering for ya every game other than you play the Tigres.

On a bit of a side note, I heard stupid Kruk saying that he thinks the Tigres should trade Zumaya straight up for Smoltz. Kruk is an idiot...almost as much of an idiot as Reynolds, who is almost as much of an idiot as Sutcliffe, who is almost as much of an idiot as Phillips, who is almost as much of an idiot as Brantley.

Good luck tonight, gentlemen. Here's to an entertaining series.

June 16th Gameday: Club Tap Game & Prospect Progress Report

Brewers (Capuano) vs. Indians (Sabathia) 7:00

This ought to be a fun series to watch. T.Haf and Co. are going to put up some serious runs against our top 3 pitchers.

I and most others will miss the game because of the Club Tap vs. Mexican All-Star team tonight. I'll post comments and the box score from the Tap game later tonight or tomorrow morning.

It's also about the halfway point of the minor league season, so I've posted a new Brewers top prospect list and progress report.

LINK

You can check out the last Prospect Report from May 11th to see how things have gone the last month. What do you think? Anyone you think should be on there? Anyone want to argue that Ben Hendrickson is a top-25 prospect?

MLB Draft (29th Round in particular)

I don't know if anyone else saw this, but I did tell a couple of people who contribute to this site about it.

If you missed it, a young right-handed pitcher out of U of New Mexico was drafted by the Detroit Tigers in the 29th round. Most of you are asking, what makes this draft pick significant...Well, what makes it great is that the draft pick goes by the name of Chris Carlson. That's right folks, the LIFM has been playing ball for UNM behind our backs and holding back in Club Tap Softball! I say that we string him up by his shoes...

I give up--June 14th Gameday

Back to back sweeps at home to the Cubs and Brewers is shocking. It will happen this afternoon. I now fully support a fire sale. I have had enough of this team. Carlos Villanueva (0-0, 0.00 ERA) vs. Elizardo Ramirez (2-5, 4.02 ERA).

Nuff said.

On a brighter note, my cousin got his picture taken with Chuck Weis last night at the Cubs game. Get a load of his shirt. Since when is the chest pocket tailored to fit snuggly on the stomach?

You've got to hear this one.

I'm not making this one up folks. It has been verified by many.

Our very own $lash was riding in the car with his sister and the Moy this weekend. $lash was having a typical wet, squeeky fart day. What was untypical was just how rancid his squeeks were that day. "They were like wet, rotten cabbage," said the Moy. "Yeah, they were pretty juicy," said $lash.

As they continued on driving, $lash dropped a couple of "offending smells" all over his victims. Despite having all the windows down, the car was doomed. His sister soon warned "[$lash] stop! Or else I'm going to throw up!" $lash did not stop. He ripped one more violent death fart, setting his sister's stomach ablaze. Their car pulled into a Kohl's parking lot where she emptied her stomach with three gaping hurls.

That's right folks. $lash farted so bad that he made his sister throw up.

On a side note, Waiting is one of the funniest movies ever.

Wake up people. June 13th Gameday.

I laughed the first time I saw this on a Notre Dame message board. But seriously, the Shark--while outstanding and very talented--is no Bo Jackson. Don't think I'm taking this too seriously though, I just thought it needed to be said.

On another vote, my Bulldogs won their Super Regional against S. Carolina and will be heading to Omaha. Has anyone else been keeping up with any of this college playoff action? I thought the Dawgs were in big trouble when I witnessed them give up five homers in the second inning of Saturday's Game 1. I was in a furious near tantrum in the newsroom that morning. The Ole Miss vs. Miami game last night was also stellar. Omaha should be very exciting. The action starts Friday.

In case you guys didn't see the Tommy Z 49-second T.K.O. from Saturday night, it is available at www.ndnation.com. I thought it was quite hilarious. That Bell guy looked terrified.

Reds (Arroyo) against Brewers (Davis) tonight at 6.
The Reds are really getting me down with their recent play. Giving away games against cold teams like the Cubs and Brewers is not how I envisioned them following up their recent eight-game win streak. Austin Kearns is officially on my shit list.

By the way, I hope that box score on the Web site is another drunken blunder. Did you guys really get served a three-hit shutout in softball? Oh my God!

My rant for the day

I enjoy the fact that brewerfan.net poster rluzinski is informed about statistical analysis and generally lays out good arguments when others are wrong. But my word is he a condescending prick about it. And not even the cutesy condescending we get out of condescendy on this board.

Also, this board is dead. Everybody needs to get back to school again. Myself included.

All I need is a miracle

I've been waiing for this post all week. Fresh off their 7-2 road trip and sweeps in Houston and St. Louis, the Reds return home for a 10-game homestand. First up are the Cubs tonight at 6 p.m. on WGN. The matchup is severely swayed in favor of the Reds considdering this will be the third time Arroyo (7-2, 2.40 era) against the ever-sharp Rusch (2-5, 6.86 era). Besides turning into the ace of the rotation this season, Arroyo sports an impressive hitting resume against Rusch. So far he is 2-3 with two round-trippers. The two blasts came off of Rusch's patented straight fastball, which was recently clocked as high as 89 mph.

Knowing this, a local reporter asked Arroyo about his plate dominance against Mr. Rusch. "It will be a miracle if I see one fastball," Arroyo said. We all know Dusty Baker's Cubs have never been introduced to a scouting report. So i'm gonna guess we'll all be treated to a first-pitch fastball to Arroyo. The only question is whether Jerry Narron will move Bronson up to the cleanup spot given his track record against Rusch. I know I would without a doubt.

On a Brew Crew note, they will be going for a series split with the Padres this afternoon at 1:05 p.m. Sir Davis (3-4, 5.23) goes againstThompson (2-2, 4.91). They really need to salvage what they can and try to right the ship this weekend against the reeling Cardinals.

June 6th Gameday and DRAFTDAY!!!!

Brewers (Bush) vs. Padres (Peavy), 7:00

The most important day of the year for the Brewers did not go to well in my opinion. The Brewers first two picks couldn't have been worse. With the 16th overall pick, the Crew selected Jeremy Jeffress. Jeffress is a fireballing high school pitcher. When Mark Rogers and Mike Jones retire after next year, 9 of the 10 prep pitchers the Brewers franchise will have selected in the first round will not have ever played an inning in the Major Leagues before retiring. The one that did make it, Jeff D'Amico, didn't have that high-ceiling career that proponents of prep pitchers rave about. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I just don't understand this. Doug Melvin prefers college players. Why doesn't he put his foot down?

Granted, I think the no high school pitchers thing can be a bit overstated. Of course, there are times to pick high school pitchers. But, there are certain types of high schoolers that deserve to go high, and those that do not. Velocity on a fastball is always what determines a draft spot, but it shouldn't. A pitcher does not develop a dominating curveball nor does he develop location, just as he cannot develop 100mph gas. A pitcher that has good location, secondary pitches, AND the velocity is the kind of pitcher you target. This often means you settle for the guy that throws 94mph. Drafting a guy because he has a 100mph fastball is downright stupid if that pitcher has a poor breaking ball, no changeup, and extremely suspect location. This is Jeffress. You may recognize him. He also goes by Mark Rogers.

In the second round, the Brewers selected a speedster that is commited to play football at FSU. He's going to ask for a lot of money, to be sure. Skinny middle infielders whose only tool is speed? What do you expect this guy to turn in to?

The Brewers of late have shown an ability to find talent and spend a lot of money later in drafts, and they're going to need to do the same with this draft. In my opinion, the need to get good young players for Carlos Lee has just doubled.

Also worth noting...the Cubs had only 2 picks in the first 150 draft slots. They wasted their second overall pick (149 overall) on the Shark. The Shark is not going to play baseball, and the Cubs have conceivably had a completely useless draft. Does that make anyone feel better?

In case you missed it

This is, by far, the most entertaining game review ever! I have no choice but to make sure this is shared with everyone. For those who are unaware, Jim took my dictation while we fumed over the snoring mound of flesh and hair on his couch.

Dictated by Local Inebriated Funnyman (June 4^th, 2006, 4:44 AM)

GAME 1:

After being spotted to a 3-0 lead. Leadoff single by Erik Kent. He scored later on a single by Jeremy. Schmidt, basically Wadewitz singled and alright that’s the second run of the inning. And then that guy over [The Bub, who is passed out on the couch 1 foot away. His mouth is still open!! And he’s still snoring!!! “I want to drop kick him,” said Carlson, “in the face.”] there flew out to zero.

He’s still fucking snoring…with his mouth open. And then, with drool. On your couch.

That means he struck out. Second inning, we held them scoreless. Ah, bottom of the inning was started by Marshall. Three singles in a row. A putout by Erik and then a fielder’s choice by me, where I was on first. So the hits kept rolling. (Burp) Wow, I’m not going to lie, that felt good. Wow. Oh, there were already three outs that inning. Fly out to center. Fly out to center. You’re gonna have to go back in there and add in that we got 6 runs that inning. To make it an 8-3 game. Okay. Third inning they got 2. After two runs by Captain No Shits, Wadewitz led off with a single and was forced out at second by captain carrot penis, otherwise known as the drooling bubblehead. Mandrew in parenthesis.

Alright so we’re in the third inning. Ahhh, let’s see. After shutting them down again, they got zero runs. Marshall started it off with a single but then was forced out. Then another single by Matty Christel. Yeah, ahhhh, then Erik Voight flew out to zero to end the inning. Anyway we got two runs that inning. So at the end of that inning it was 10-3. Well, they got 4 in their top half to make it 10-7. Alright ahh, let’s see. Top of the next inning, I led off with a single. I’m not lying it was a piss-rod. The Local Inebriated Funnyman hit an absolute piss-rod to center. After Erik Kent’s doube, I went to third. So it was second and third. Then you walked and Jeremy hit a homer. So it was a grand slam. After the home run, Dave struck out swinging. Ah, base hit be Wadewitz. Then a double by The Bub scored a run. Marshall struck out. $lash produced an out. That’s all it says. FO. He didn’t strike out. I don’t know where he flew out, but it’s still an out. So after they didn’t get any runs the next inning, that’s what it says in the game report, neither did we.

So after no runs by them, it was our turn. Two outs. Local Inebriated Funnyman lined one to center. Singled to center. In front of the guy that was driving them in all night. Erik Kent was the man. Put in something about the two out rally. At 14-11 Carlson would not let this lead decrease any further. You’ve already added in the piss-rod. You might as well add it lower the hands. Lowering the hands was an absolute battle decision. [break for urinating]. Where’d you end up? So anyway, single to lead off next inning. (You have to add to something in about how you thought the game was out of reach. So you made a bunch of defensive replacements. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t out of reach.) After they didn’t get anything. You get that in there? Cuz my single was to lead off the inning. Then this is where it got really tricky. Erik Kent had a home run, where we I scored and so did he for two RBI. Then a base hit by you and a fielder’s choice. Then it skips all the way down. I think it just stops scoring so you can just cut it off after that. We got 4 runs that inning. You got that in the game review? Final score was 8-3...10-3…14-7…14-11… So, 17-11.

We have to edit this. I’m going to tear it apart of verbage alone. You’re adding? I can’t read that cuz my eyes won’t focus. What is this? What does it say? His mouth is open and he is a nuisance. I can’t think straight with his mouth open. Ah, I’m typing in the words we’re both thinking (slash, his mouth is fucking open and he’s snoring and I can’t believe it period I want to stab him in the face with a boot. It’s a good thing we just ignored him when he was at the stadium. And that big boobs magee over at the Why Not II decided he was not worth his time to acknowledge. Bub, make me a sandwich before I wake up. Oh, he’s not. God, he is still sucking in wind immensely. Hurricane Katrina anyone? I’m not lying to you, it sounds like wind tunnels blowing through the downtown sector of Milwaukee.

Game ended. We got three outs pretty easily. Though I’m not representing my third run, which is pretty important. God, would you shut up? I’m gonna put a sock in my mouth. My balls are out! They got the rest of the outs, the game ended. And everyone celebrated.

Game 2:

And with so, everyone else sat out. Steve tried to decrease his infinite ERA. While lasting 6 innings and shaking off numerous, numerous calls by the Funnyman, he managed to get outs. This overlooks the fact that Marshall after a phantom tag almost started a fight with the same man that decked our same fat pitcher that blew his Wadewitz last year. Many words were exchanged, no punches were thrown, and Marshall retained his dignity. How do I rephrase this? You retype that? Jesus Christ! He’s still snoring and it’s louder. Has anyone heard the phrase “my balls are out?” He’s grabbing his balls right now, his mouth is open, and he refused to pay for any beer.

Anywho with a new sense of ignorance between my ears and a natural sense of deafness outside them, I am now ignoring the fat man with the blue shirt and the blue jeans and bringing you the rest of the game review. For the most part, there isn’t much to brag about. We scored some runs. We got some outs. The most important thing is that he’s not waking up right now while I’m looking at him with distain in my face. I hate him. It’s so loud! Unbelievable!!

In short, we wrapped it up. The fights didn’t outweigh the runs we scored nor the experience we gained. We are that much better of a team for having struggled through a strife caused by the people we know and the people we meet on the other side of the diamond – he’s still fucking snoring. I wish I could stab a dagger through his woman’s of an adam’s apple.

Tune in next week for a new installment of Club Tap softball weekly. Keep those hits roarin’ and those Bubs a snorin’.

The Brewers Suck

disprove it.

June 1 Gameday and Draft Preview

Brewers (Bush) at Pirates (Maholm), 11:30

This could represent the devastating end of the playoff hopes I alluded to at the beginning of the roadtrip. You cannot overcome losses 4 to the Pirates and make the playoffs.

Corey Hart finally gets a platoon start with Geoff Jenkins. Thank God. This will probably prove a smart move by Yost.

The draft is coming up on saturday, and this will be my last chance to discuss the Brewers draft strategy before then. I will post random comments about the draft in the comments section. Please join the discussion while you sit bored at work.