Brewers Hate-off:
The Finals
The Finals
Despite a valiant effort by Chad Moeller (clearly the only valiant effort this group has ever seen out of Chad), the finals are set. Ben 'Semen face' Hendrickson versus Kevin 'Condom hat' Mench. Will Contraceptive Kevin wrap up the championship? Or will Blowjob Ben retain the title 'Brewer that sucks the most'? You Decide.
Labels: Hendies
posted by Brew City Bub @ 10:03 AM
33 comments
33 Comments:
This . . . is not easy. On the one hand, Mench was supposed to be at least an adequate replacement for Carl Lee. On the other hand, we have lost a shitload of games because of Ben Hendrickson. Fuck it, Hendrickson sucks more. He deserves it. He really does.
Hendrickson. It's not close.
ON a side note voters, Kevin Mench actually dated one of Condescendy's old girlfriends (seriously). Do with that info as you wish.
Hendrickson may be the worst pitcher I've ever seen. He most certainly is the worst in baseball right now. Lima and Brazelton can't hold a candle to Hendrickson. Mench may be the most annoying corner outfielder I've ever seen hit. He doesn't take a ball in at least 60% of his plate appearances. He grounds out every at bat, and he has no power. He's also an atrocious defensive player. And nothing is more annoying about him than people still thinking he's good or thinking he was ever good. That said, Mench is not the worst outfielder I've ever seen. Hell, I can name 10 former or current Brewers that are worse. And, he's been benched a bit late in the year. Therefore, I definitely hate Hendrickson more. Plus Hendrickson is a total sleeze dick.
However, I don't know if I can vote for Hendrickson. I'm not sure I'm comfortable cynically treating him as my favorite player in 2007. I hate him so much that I don't know if I can joke about liking him. And I don't want him to think that the trophy he gets is some kind of award he can be proud of. I still haven't decided for whom I'm voting.
Hendrickson...no question, runner up is jenkins
For purposes of sending the trophy to the winner here, I have searched and neither Hendrickson nor Mench have a Wisconsin criminal record. It is shocking. I assumed Hendrickson had a criminal record. But I guess that metaphorically raping children with his pitching is not actually criminal pedophilia. I disagree, but I don't write the rules.
So, I don't know their addresses. Everyone do your best to find out. I'm out of ideas.
This is a tough one. I do hate everything about MENCH. If we're stuck with him again next season and he puts up a similar or even a better perfomance, I would vote for him without question. Hendrickson, on the other hand, has been pissing me off for years now. I will NEVER forgive him for the sold-out Minnesota Twins game this past May 20th, 2006 where I went through so much trouble to get the shittiest tickets in the stadium and didn't see him record one single out. What a fuckshow. Previous to that, I believe he has also ruined at least one of my trips to Houston to see this pitiful team play.
My vote: Hendrickson
However, I also would like to extend my hatred to the entire damn team as we couldn't even end this season with a winning record against the Cubs. Pathetic isn't even a strong enough term to describe that.
i vote for turnbow, but since no one else shares my intense hatred i guess i'll vote for hendu.
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You're going to try to tell me that my vote is invalid, but I vote for Chad Moeller.
I figure if Kolb and Jenkins are still getting write in votes, the worst baseball player to play for the brewers this year should get one.
You can eat my ass with a spoon, Chad Moeller.
LIFM, Turnbow really did luck out. Thanks to his recent performance, he is statistically the worst Brewer this year. Under the VORP ranking system, Turnbow would be the overall number 1 seed if the tournament started today. He has now been far worse than both Mench and Hendrickson. He dodged a bullet by waiting until the last week of the season to get his ERA up to 7.
Jenkins.... o wait we cant vote for him???
Ben Hendrickson you not only make my ass water but you make a bid for Lefty the bat boy to actually compete for a spot in the bullpen in Nashville. (sorry lefty)
Condescendy,
All your web blog nerdity has left me constantly wondering what the fuck LIFM means. I mean LOL, BRB, TTYL, and BHARM (Ben Hendrickson Ass-raped Me), I can handle, what What the hell does it mean? Let's induce Fist-loving?
forgot the word mansex in the last post :)
Just so we are clear about Lefty, he didn't have a left hand. That's why he's Lefty. It's funny - funny name. Just wanted to make sure people knew that he really wasn't lefthanded. If he was, not only would he be amazing, he would be my hero.
Local innebriated funny man, synonymous with inducing fist-loving mansex.
Hendrickson...hands down
shit, I really wish I could vote for Turnbow, but I can't. We all hate Turnbow and probably all hope he loses an arm or two so he can never pick up a baseball again. However, he would probably be more successful kicking the ball towards the plate. I mean seriously, his ERA looks like the average points scored per game for a fucking football team. Not good. What a waste of $3 mil.
OK so I have to vote for someone. It's gotta be Hendrickson then. There's really no need for an explanation for my pick. What a dick licker that guy is. Oh well, at least he's a "hero" in NASHVILLE!
To be off-topic for a paragraph, let's reflect on this portrait of September "baseball": The Rockies used nine pitchers in their 19-11 loss today (which has to at least tie a record for most pitchers used in a 9-inning game). Of those, 6 gave up at least one ER, 5 gave up at least 2, and 3 gave up at least 3. Three pitched less than 1 inning, and 2 (Ramon Ramirez and Jose Mesa) failed to get an out while giving up 5 ER between them.
One of these runs, of course, is not surprising, as the Rockies walked Mark "Home Run" Hendrickson (rightfully, of course, to prevent a homer), but he came around to score anyway soon after James Loney's 9th RBI. (You don't walk a 6'9" hitter if you don't want to.) Hendrickson is perhaps the most feared relief pitcher to hit at Coors Field since the day I saw Guillermo Mota hit a line drive homer to deep left-center field a few years ago.
And speaking of Hendrickson, to get on-topic (if I may vote this late in the game), I'll pull the Ben Hendrickson lever, if only to save face on my views of the Carlos Lee trade (which, because of Cordero - forgetting about last night - I still think was not a bad trade).
This is turning into a hendrickson landslide. I wonder if Chad Moeller would have performed better? Hendrickson is even beating every other player collectively voted for by douchebags that won't accept the tournament format. This guy is clearly awful.
September baseball is ridiculous. 40-man rosters are excessive. Why play an entire season restrained by a 25-man roster and then, when games really matter and playoffs are on the line, the games are just stupid. And it adversely affects the level of play, as teams like the Reds find a way to play Norris Hopper.
After long consideration, I too will vote for Hendrickson. I hate him more, and a courtesy vote for Mench just is pointless now. I only hope my vote is the one that seals the victory for our 2007 favorite player, Little Ben. Holy shit am I going to be cynical going to games next year if that faggot is on the team!
Current Votes:
To Win:
Hendrickson - 7 votes
Moeller - 1 vote
Turnbow - 2 votes
Jenkins - 1 vote
Runner Up:
Jenkins - 1 vote
Hendrickson - 3 votes
And I would vote for Winkelsas if I didn't care so much about the integrity of this matchup. Um, Kevin Mench hasn't even been mentioned.
Mench has been eliminated. The only players with a chance to catch Hendrickson are Turnbow, Moeller and Jenkins. And people HATE Kevin Mench! This is astounding!
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I will share your cynicism, Condescendy. From what I gathered in your earlier posts, you were worried about being able to label hendrickson your favorite player in the typical 'Ruben Quevedo/Devon White' is my favorite player fashion. When forced to assess Hendrickson as your favorite under such circumstances, you still can't bring yourself to do it, because those two were bad, but Hendrickson is Collosally bad. Instead, what you need to do, is step up your game. Be in your face about your unabashed love for Hendrickson (think about how Erik acts in situations like this).
Perhaps by breaking his will as badly as we all plan to do, he will actually get better. He can't, of course, have his will be broken any more at the major league level. I applaud you for coming to your senses and voting for the worst player here, and I look forward to your contributions as one of the most obnoxious, cynical Ben Hendrickson backers in world history. That goes for everybody else, too.
I propose that we conduct this hate-off every year. From henceforth the hate-off shall be called the Hendies. Does everyone agree?
On Friday at 7:00 PM Central, we shall crown the winner the Champion of the First Annual Hendy.
On Sunday at noon, I will post one bracket of the 1998-2006 Hate-Off. Everyone get set and find some things to get stirred up about this weekend. Get ready to let out some rage.
Jim, I'll donate to the cause of sending Hendrickson a trophy...just let me know how much...
Tim, the biggest donation you can make is figuring out where he lives.
This hate-off was the greatest idea ever. I like the term Hendies in honor of our new "favorite" player, Mr. Ben Hendrickson. Thanks for the nod there Bub about being "in-your-face". With this asshole as the new favorite, you can plan on seeing a lot of that next season from this guy.
Mench is going to need a miracle. A miracle as big as his fucking condom shaped head. Or as big of a miracle as he had when he took that walk that one time. Or as big of a miracle as he had when he collected two extra-base hits in the same month.
Thanks BCB, Jim already pointed out my apparent severe retardation. OH well.
Hello, I'm Betty "Cupcake" Hendrickson, Ben Hendrickson's mother. I have to support my son and say that Derrick Turnbow is the worst pitcher on the team, and therefore the most hated. Don't get me wrong, I hate my dicklicker son, but I hate Turnbow even more. Please save my son the burden of being considered the favorite player in 2007. In no way is he capable of fulfilling that role.
I molest little boys.
Stench
I hate Bud, Wendy and Lori
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